batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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