I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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