I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
