i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize