Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
