shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
