someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am in a vortex of obligation.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
