new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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