I am puke
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
