Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
