They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Randomize
