We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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