I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
