I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We are all done wearing pants today
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize