just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
