So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
