I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
