So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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