he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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