I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
