i already hear my dad disowning me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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