Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
