You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
