Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
one two three fourrrrnication!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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