32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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