Plan B is the new Plan A
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
