the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
