After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have already put on my inside pants.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
