Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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