I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I lost the right to judge tonight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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