I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
