Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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