I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So. Much. Porn.
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