My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
