Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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