I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His nipple licking is glorious
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