found the other keg... it's in the tree
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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