So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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