That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize