i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
