good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
