i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
