I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
