it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
