just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
