ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
