Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
