He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
