Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
