So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there was a trapeze. enough said
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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