I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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