this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
