I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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