Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
