why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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