she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
