i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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