She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
