He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so that wasnt chicken after all
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize