why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
