You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
