Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize