6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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