I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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