you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize