he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
