so explain again why im purple
no
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Will exercising make me less horny?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
