I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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